[ozzie]

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1: No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2: When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3: If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4: Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5: You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6: Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7: Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8: You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9: Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10: The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1: Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2: Wrinkles don't hurt.
3: Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4: Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5: Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6: Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:

1: Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2: Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3: When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4: You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5: It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6: Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7: Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1: You believe in Santa Claus.
2: You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3: You are Santa Claus.
4: You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . .. . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
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